Coupon Queen vs. Chaos Goblin: He Lives Because He’s Cute
Let’s talk about my hobby for a change.
About a year ago, I fell headfirst into the beautiful, barcode-filled world of couponing.
Thanks to a TikTok queen who showed me the light (and the printable deals), I went from casual grocery shopper to full-blown household supply dragon.
I now have a stockpile that would make any apocalypse prepper cry happy tears:
Body wash, toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner, laundry detergent, softener (liquid and sheets, thank you very much), dish soap, deodorant (which I wish Spencer used more consistently), toothbrushes, and enough Ziploc bags to host a zip-sealed revolution.
Now, since Scott has claimed the garage as his chaotic little woodshop kingdom, I’ve had to get creative. One of my proudest stash locations is the home office closet. It’s beautifully organized. Shampoos lined up like soldiers. Soaps stacked like bricks. It smells like a fresh-scented CVS aisle in there.
Enter: my husband.
Scott.
The man. The menace. The master of pushing buttons I didn’t know I had.
While I was at work, Scott decided it would be hilarious to empty the entire office closet and film a video pretending he had donated the whole thing.
All of it.
Gone.
He sent the video to me with a cheerful “Look how generous I was today!” and I… stopped breathing for a second.
Now mind you, I was in the middle of a very professional, very grown-up workday. I could not scream. I could not storm home. I could only do what any woman with a passion for half-off shampoo would do:
I called him.
Very calmly.
And I said—with love—that if he didn’t put every last bottle back where it came from, I would beat him with a Slim Jim and change the Wi-Fi password.
He was laughing so hard I could hear him wheezing.
Yes, he did put everything back.
No, that wasn’t the end of it.
Because THEN he posted a video on Facebook—dressed like I had physically assaulted him—with a black eye drawn on, shirt half torn, and dramatically fake limping. He looked into the camera, deadpan, and said:
“I would like to apologize to my wife. She is the best couponer and the best wife. I am not funny. I will never touch her stockpile again. Please send help.”
He even glanced off-camera like I was standing there with a slipper raised.
Some days… I just can’t with this man.
He’s lucky he’s cute.
Because that day? That day he was not funny.
…Well, maybe a little funny.
But we don’t feed the ego.
